as published at www.ocregister.com on June 6, 2012
This outfit has officially been retired.
I thought we were having a nice time. We met at the mall to pick out clothes for his new job. We quickly selected the perfect black shirt and shoes requisite of a Lonestar server. We laughed at the puppies frolicking in the pet store window.
We were just about to dig into some Panda Express (my treat) when he glanced around nervously and said, "I hope no one I know sees me sitting here with a cougar."
As I turned 50 Shades of Purple, it took all I had in me to not to spew a mouthful of orange chicken at my "date" — my 22-year-old-BROTHER who has yet to receive the memo that a sister of 33 years does not a cougar make.
So Mason, in case the orange chicken that should have hit your face but instead fell onto my leopard print pants didn’t quite clarify, here’s your word of the day, courtesy of the Urban Dictionary:
Cougar - (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger male. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old prowler, to a real hottie. The cougar can frequently be seen cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar… waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young, strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey."
How dare you! I am not a calculating hunter or bloated prowler, and I’m hardly lying in wait. Plus, you wouldn’t make for good prey anyway due to that whole oh yeah, we share the same PARENTS thing. And I’ll have you know that I am not 35+ -- for at least 15 more months. So why don’t you get on back to Lonestar where you can serve up a real cleavage-exposing cougar at your swanky bar -- wait, did they say "hottie?" Aw, Mason … you shouldn’t have...
To read the rest...
Cracking Up: I am NOT a cougar! - OC Moms - The Orange County Register
