Cracking Up: Watch me, Mom!

as published at www.ocregister.com on November 28, 2012:

“Watch me, Mom!” Blake hollers as he tightrope walks along the six-foot-high wall dividing our house from the neighbors’.

Blake dreams of being a Parkour athlete, and thus commutes through his six-year-old life like a monkey, leaping from couch to chair, trampoline to slide. It’s common for my jaunt to the washer and dryer to be interrupted by a head bonk and a  “Watch me, Mom!” as an upside-down Blake dangles from the pull-up bar mounted in our laundry room.

PHOTO COURTESY MORGUEFILE.COM

Blake bellows “Watch me, Mom!” as he somersaults down the soccer field, scales a basketball goal, and sprints into gymnastics for the first time, beaming like he just won the lottery, because I’ve finally given in and signed him up for his chosen sport.

I live in fear that someday the little acrobat will leap from our second-story balcony to impress a lovely lady. But for now, most of his tricks are accompanied by a somewhat reassuring “Watch me, Mom!” directed my way.

Like all kindergarten girls, his younger sister is in princess training, and spends her afternoons mixing hues of pink with shades of purple on coloring pages. “Watch me, Mommy!” Gracie grins as she holds up her latest fairytale masterpiece.

“Watch me, Mommy!” she beckons as she twists and twirls across the kitchen floor in a pastel leotard and gauzy skirt.

“Watch me, Mommy!” she pleads... READ THE REST:

Cracking Up: Watch me, Mom! - OC Moms - The Orange County Register

Cracking Up: Playing house makes being a mom seem fun

as published at www.ocregister.com on October 3, 2012:

“When we get home, let’s play house,” my 4-year-old Gracie says to her two fellow spandex-clad BFF’s as I drive them home from gymnastics.

In unison, all three girls scream, “I get to be the mom!”

Like it’s the President or something. Sure I can reach the top shelf and go to bed whenever I want, but have they forgotten that when we get home and they go off to play house that the moms of the world get to pay the chiropractor, clean out the freezer, and brown hamburger meat?

“Wow, girls, why do you all want to be the mom?” I ask, wondering if they’d noticed the red carpet glamour of my afternoon spent labeling backpacks and breaking down forts and bathing the skunk off of the dog.

“Because she has the purse!” I look over at my real purse -- a stained and stringy-strapped Target special from two years ago that I just can’t seem to toss because it holds everything!Obviously, I’m not a bag person, but it’s not like their pink Minnie Mouse plastic holds the key to the universe either.

“And… why else?” I continue.

They look at each other, their cute little faces scrunching up in confusion.

“Because… it’s the mom,” my daughter finally says. And it’s not even Mother’s Day. I’m loving this, but have to wonder...

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Cracking Up: Playing house makes being a mom seem fun - OC Moms - The Orange County Register

The Price of Motherhood

as published at www.ocregister.com on May 10, 2012:

I recently drove behind a minivan whose license plate monikered the driver as a "HOUSEWF."

Come on, lady, I thought. Give yourself some credit! You’re not married to a house -- go with wife, or mother, or homemaker even --

And then I noticed my rant had grown vocal, and I had an audience: my 11-year-old daughter, who I frequently tell being a mom is the most important job in the world. But to whom I also conspicuously demonstrate how important I feel it is for a woman to have an education, a vocation, hobbies -- an IDENTITY -- that she can infuse in her "housewifery."

"Maybe those license plates were taken?" my daughter said, diffusing the situation. But the nerve in me had once again been struck -- admittedly by my own insecurities that perhaps the only recognition that will ever be granted to the world’s most undervalued role is misspelled on the back of a minivan.

As a child, I dreamed of having a career instead of kids. My Barbie had a Ferrari, not a diaper bag. So the fact that the letters "SAHM" now best define my stay at home mom to-do’s instead of the Ph.D/ M.D./ Esq. I had once envisioned, is still one I’m getting used to.

I know many women who, like HOUSEWF, wear the stay-at-home mommy badge with pride. And I know many others who spend the PB&J-making process mourning the career they left behind, and counting the days until they can get back to it. And then there are the jugglers who admirably manage both career and family, whether by necessity or choice.

But statistics show that across the board, when a woman adds the letters M-O-M to her identity, her monetary paycheck drops or disappears altogether...

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Cracking Up: Mom's job is priceless - OC Moms - The Orange County Register

Ode to my mom: The Mac truck of child-bearing

as published at www.ocregister.com on May 9, 2012:

For my second grade Halloween party, my mom—our room mom-- thought it would be fun to read the kids a scary yet sweet story: "Lamont the Lonely Monster."

But when the day of the party came, my classmates opted to spend the hour watching video footage of the recent play we’d performed instead of having story time. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But it was to me, because I had some insider information: I knew that my mom was an incredible artist who had stayed up late for three nights painting and binding posterboard-sized illustrations of Lamont the Lonely Monster so the entire class could see the pictures better. I knew that my mom wouldn’t just read the story to us, but she would give each character a unique monster voice, and Lamont’s lonely drone would carry the story as the best of all. And I knew that my mom had seven other kids besides me and this was my turn—my only year—to have her as my room mom and read my class a scary Halloween story with all of her theatrics and presentation.

So when the teacher announced my class’s impetuously vain decision to watch a video of themselves instead, I started to cry. I looked toward my mom’s face, knowing the sacrifice and talent she had poured into this moment. But my mom...

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Ode to my mom: Mac truck of child-bearing - OC Moms - The Orange County Register

10 ways to spoil mom on Mother's Day

as published at www.ocregister.com on May 2, 2012:

Calling all husbands, boyfriends, kids and house pets who know who really fills their food bowl: A big holiday is right around the corner -- one that has the potential to be the biggest blow out or biggest blow up of the year!

Mothers love to be thought of before midnight the night before Mother’s Day, so here’s a plan-ahead guide to indulge the mom in your house.

That's right, Mother's Day is May 13. (May 13, May 13, May 13.)

Okay, let's be honest. Really this is a document for moms to blow up to 96 font and tape to the fridge and bathroom mirror. But here's to hoping someone gets the hint.

1. Mothers love breakfast in bed. But mothers do not love breakfast in bed at 5 a.m. Let mom sleep in, and remember to feed your kids before you send them in to mom’s room with a tray, or else mom’s breakfast in bed becomes the breakfast of toddler crumbs in mom’s bed.

2. Mothers love homemade gifts. But moms prefer them when their construction is supervised by a responsible adult (preferably a mom herself who knows a glitter explosion/tacky glue overdose likewise does not bode well in mom's bed).

3. Most mothers also love store-bought gifts. But even though this is THE holiday of the year, store hours are not as generous as those in December. So the last minute, overpriced due to guilt items that served you well last Christmas/Hannukah are not an option in May. Malls close early the night before Mother’s Day, and moms know better than most that wrapped up pedi-eggs and beach towels really came from aisle 13 of your 24-hour CVS.

4. Mothers love to be with their kids...

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10 ways to spoil mom on Mother's Day - OC Moms - The Orange County Register